Girls' Simchas: Creativity vs. Uniformity, Part I

My husband and I celebrated the birth of our two daughters with a full-blown simchat bat ceremony. It just felt completely right to show our gratitude to G-d for giving us a daughter, just as we did through a brit milah for our son.

However, both our simchat bat ceremonies and other ones that I have been to, feel different (for better or for worse) from the experience of a brit milah. Obviously, the aspect of milah (circumcision) is unique to the brit. However, even when the simchat bat includes meaningful tefillot, like the brit, it just has a different feel to it. This is not necessarily a bad thing, and might change as simchat bat ceremonies become more widespread.

I have heard two different perspectives on how the simchat bat should be celebrated. One view is that since it is done voluntarily, and not out of halakhic obligation, it should be an open and free ceremony, shaped by the family who is hosting it. Following this scenerio, I have seen some families just do a party, while others have an actual ceremony. The ceremony is usually based on the Sephardi zeved ha-bat, which includes several tekhinot and tefillot consisting of thanks to G-d for the baby and the welfare of the mother. Often, families (like ourselves) add to the standard traditional tefillot, with a few extra sources (ie. excerpts from tehillim or ellaborations on the baby's name).

While the ability to be creative makes this ritual unique for each family, there is also the argument that making the simchat bat more uniform will help contribute to its popularity. By proscribing when it should happen and what it should include, perhaps people will feel less daunted by the need to mark the occasion in their own special way. A uniform simchat bat ceremony may also help it to be viewed as more traditional (which many elements of it are anyway, as they are borrowed from the zeved ha-bat).

There is also the issue of naming. Many parents choose to name their daughter right away during a Torah reading day, and then have the simchat bat later on. I have seen other parents name their daughter at the ceremony itself, which means the mom attends a big party shortly after giving birth as in the case of the brit (it is not clear to me why any woman would voluntarily opt for this!)

So, the two approaches to simchat bat ceremonies have advantages and disadvantages. I don't know which way the simchat bat will eventually go. The fact that every one I have been to has been in some way different from the others, may be an answer in and of itself. In any case, I am just glad that when my daughters grow up, I can tell them about the simchat bat we threw for them when they were born, just as we had a brit for their brother.

Comments

[Miriam]

In some ways, I feel that the Simchat Bat ceremonies I've been to have been really special because they are so personal and tailored to each family -- although I recognize the value, in Judaism, of a structured ceremony which is the same for everyone.

[Chana]

That is creative! I'm sure it is a beautiful occasion. ;)

[Alisha]

I agree that it's nice to be able to personalize such a ceremony, but I don't think that precludes having a standardized core structure. As you and Miriam both imply, a lot of continuity in Judaism is based on ritual similarity. Nevertheless, think of all the creative individualization that people do for their weddings! The same model could be followed here.

As for your wondering why a woman might choose to have a simchat bat soon enough after giving birth that the baby can be named then rather than at a Torah service, I'm guessing it often has to do with a desire to be present and involved. I've seen plenty of namings in shul where the father is called up for an aliyah, the gabbai says the new name in the mishebeirach for the mother and baby, and said mother, if she is present at all, is behind a mechitzah or up in a balcony. If it's a large congregation, people may even be looking around to see who she is. If the woman wants to be holding her daughter as she's being named, or even just standing in front with her husband, she'll likely choose the simchat bat.

[Soferet]

BS"D
I'm with you folks. Without the hard-&-fast rules of mitzvah performance being narrowly defined, each family can celebrate the blessing of their holy daughters however suits their family.

[shanna]

::I've seen plenty of namings in shul where the father is called up for an aliyah, the gabbai says the new name in the mishebeirach for the mother and baby, and said mother, if she is present at all, is behind a mechitzah or up in a balcony. If it's a large congregation, people may even be looking around to see who she is. If the woman wants to be holding her daughter as she's being named, or even just standing in front with her husband, she'll likely choose the simchat bat.::

Ha! At our shul, you're lucky if half the congregation can even hear that the mi sheberach is any different (i.e. that a baby is being named). And of course the mother is holding the baby, quite possibly out in the lobby or at home. The baby for sure isn't up there to hear her new name. Oh, and if you're a new daddy of a baby girl who's not naming his daughter in shul Shabbat morning, don't expect an aliyah.

I've also never heard a woman bentch gomel at our shul after her husband's we-just-had-a-baby aliyah on Shabbat morning, though I fully intend to change that little tidbit whenever I get around to popping one out.

On the flip side, I have seen a beautiful and meaningful baby naming on a Shabbat morning (Alisha, I think you were there too). The father brought his new daughter up to the bima with him for his aliyah (or maybe someone handing him the baby during/after the aliyah; I can't remember). His wife came right up next to the bima on the women's side (down-the-middle mechitza) and bentched gomel. The gabbai added a bit of embellishment to the mi sheberach for the mother and baby, and paused (dramatically, and to verify the name) before stating the little girl's name. After the mi sheberach there was a rousing chorus of mazel tovs followed by the baby's father, the rabbi, and a few other men (I think relatives/close friends) gathering around the baby (still in her father's arms) and singing Y'varechecha and possibly some other song. (This was a few years ago, can you tell?) At kiddush, before the rabbi made kiddush (and therefore before people were all chatting and eating), the mother gave a short speech explaining the meaning behind their daughter's name.

I still think I'd prefer a more private celebration, not a very public Shabbat morning Torah reading naming, but that one was almost enought o make me change my mind. Too bad it could never happen at my current shul.

[Alisha]

At my shul there's never a doubt when a baby is being named, or for that matter when there's an aliyah for any other special simcha, because first the whole congragation sings the appropriate simcha song (u'rei banim, od yishama, or the generic siman tov u'mazal tov) and then the rabbi stands up and makes an announcement in English. For a birth, he often directs the congratulations first to the older sibling(s), but he talks about the whole family and their involvement with the community, etc, etc.

As for bentching gomel, I can't remember a woman ever doing it from her place in the balcony (although that's not to say it never happened). But a friend of Shanna's & mine did it at the bima, in mixed company, at the end of her son's brit.

And it occurs to me that I should share one last tidbit -- that several years ago I had the honor and the privilege, as gabbait of the women's tefilah group in my shul, to name a baby girl just after her *mother's* aliyah to the Torah.

[ALG]

> I have seen other parents name their daughter at the
> ceremony itself, which means the mom attends a big
> party shortly after giving birth as in the case of
> the brit (it is not clear to me why any woman would
> voluntarily opt for this!)

I have been to a simchat bat that was delayed by several weeks (the baby was in fine health), and the baby was named there, with the woman present.

I am sometimes sad that when I was born, in 1979, smachot bat were less common (did they happen at all?), and I and my two sisters were named in a hurried misheberach (don't know if my mother or the kidlets were present), while my brother got a full-fledged brit milah party with all the relatives there. The truth is, I don't even really know what they did when I was born. Maybe I should ask...

[karen]

For my first daughter I felt strongly that I had to have the simchat bat asap parallel to the bris. This was a disaster, we were totally stressed out, since there is more to organize for a simchat bat than for a bris (ie. you need to put together and print up the ceremony).

The second time around we waited 5 weeks. We named her right away, but had the ceremony and party later. We were so much more realxed. We were more laid back as parents in general by then, but most importantly I felt so much better!

Thanks to everyone for great comments. Keep them coming.